_______If I had to choose between my kids and a million dollars...............it would probably be very hard................to decide which car to buy first! (funny money status)
_______Fool people into thinking you are a meteorologist by posting weather updates on Facebook
_______Boss: Let me make myself clear. Me: I wish you would because I'm tired of looking at you. (funny status about Boss)
_______If I had a choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's I'd choose Parkinson's...because I'd rather spill a little beer than forget where I put it. (funny status about Parkinson's )
_______Bad pick up line : I have all this birth control and I don't want it to go to waste.
_______People need to stop sending me invites for games..........I'm currently in a unfriending mood (funny game invite status)
_______Holy Shit! I just noticed something that will blow your mind. Did you guys know that Facebook has a "sign out" button? (funny Facebook Status)
_______Am I the only person who thinks the guy that came up with rumble strips on the road was just trying to enhance road head?
_______On this date next year, I am going to scroll down to this status and leave myself a comment. Can't wait to find out what my future self has to say.
_______First and foremost, I would like to thank my legs. Without them I would not be standing here today (most hilarious status ever)
_______I'm currently saving myself a fortune by not actually having any money to spend. (funny fortune status)
_______I always automatically assume, when meeting people for the first time, that they are complete and utter twats until proven otherwise. That way, I'm either always right, or pleasantly surprised. (best funny hilarious status)
_______I'm imagining skipping rocks over a pond... when in reality I'm actually tossing bricks over the fence into my neighbors pool. (funny offensive status)
_______Hey I chopped off your nose... It was in my business again. (funny business status)
_______I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you f**k with me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body
_______Listen you punk..I am not gay! I am only wearing pink in the support for the fight against breast cancer......and these heels I have on just means...........uhmmm..........well u just f**k off and mind your own business! (funny gay status)
_______I would rather break both legs than spill my beer! - everyone that has fallen with a beer in their hand. (funny beer status)
_______Running from your problems doesn't help. Unless your problem is being fat... (funny fat status)
You May Also Like
15 Funny Status
16 Funny Status