27 Funny Quotes

funny boss quote funny valentine day quote

____‎"A broken thermostat and working with an office full of men is not an excuse to take off your pants at work."............My Boss (funny boss quote)
_____There's a girl wearing same shirt as me.. I hope this doesn't mean we have to fight. (funny girl quote joke)
_____It doesn't matter if you have good looks, a good personality or a good dress sense. As long as your boobs jiggle when you walk WE are happy! (hilarious gal quote status)
_____You really have 2 great social skills... why do you keep hiding them in your Bra (funny bra quote)
_____Since the invention of internet stalking I saved a lot of Gas (funny gas quote)
_____If life gives you lemons, it's probably because you're a deserving a$$hole (funny life quote)
_____Look lady, if I weren't supposed to stare at your butt, why did they sew those patterns onto your jeans to draw my attention? (funny laddies quote)
_____Open the windows.... look outside there are plenty of crazy bitches who'll make ya feel better bout your shitty life. (funny life quote)
_____I just woke up from a 2 hour nap when I wasn't tired. So if you wanna know what the face of depression looks like, I'll be glad to send a picture (funny nap quote)
_____CNN News: Wi-fi laptops can damage sperm.........In my experience probably not as much as sperm can damage Wi-fi laptops (funny news quote)
_____Apparently this is a bad pick up line; How low would you rate your self esteem right now? (funny self esteem quote)
_____If you're pretty everyone considers you a bitch. But if you're ugly and a bitch it's called "low self esteem". (funny self esteem quote)
_____Chick at the drive-through said "Enjoy yourself." How'd she know I was masturbating in my car? (funny chick quote)
_____Not sure where my career is headed to. But I'm pretty sure, my future employer's horoscope has started reading f words. (funny employer quote)
_____You know you can put your deepest darkest secret into quotation marks and people will just think its a quote.. "I cry myself to sleep".. see. (funny quotation quote)
_____No one ever said life was easy.. but several people did say you were... and I agree. (funny life quote)
_____The fact that my office door has a lock on the OUTSIDE instead of the INSIDE tells me that slavery still exists… (funny office quote)
_____They may help me taste things, but I'm not quite ready to call them my "buds" (funny buds quote)
_____How long do I need to stare at someone at a stoplight to make them love me? (funny stop light quote)
_____I AM AWESOME!!!
Unlike · Comment · 3 minutes ago · Shared with: Only Me (funny awesome status quote)
 ‎"I want a man who loves me for me." ~ Girl with fake hair, nails, eyelashes, eyebrows. Lipstick, the make up! And whatever else I missed. (funny fake girl quote)
 I can't wait to hear those three little words to make valentines day perfect. "Heres Your Sandwich" (funny valentine day quote)
 It's January 32nd, and yes, I'm too lazy to flip a page on my calendar. (funny calender quote)
 i hate people who advertise themselves on social networks... But out of topic, Just to inform you guys i am still accepting applications for valentines' day.. ;-) (funny valentine day quote)
 I've been single since January 2011. I'm totally fine buying chocolate for myself on Valentine's Day because I'm awesome. (funny valentine quote)
 Devoting the upcoming weekend to switching over to Timeline....it MUST take a SHITLOAD of time to pic out a cool sunset picture to feature on your profile.. (funny timeline quote status)
 The fact that I broke up with my ex...AGAIN...right before Valentine's Day...says my chances of getting laid on V-Day just increased drastically (funny valentine quote)