Funny Relationship Facebook Status Updates
______When your single, all you see are happy couples. When you’re in a relationship you wonder what the hell all those couples were so happy about.
______I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round.
______I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn't mine.
______X, sometimes I think you're not taking our pretend relationship seriously.
______Relationship Status: I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really sure, but was too worried to ask.
______After 2 years, I gave him the whole "where is this relationship going" speech, he just stared at me blankly, then said, "look lady, I just make your coffee"
______Relationships are hard because men are like "You're hot. Can we do butt stuff yet?" and women are like "Its been 3 days and you haven't married me yet"
______Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry.
______Seeking woman with macro-mania for intimate relationship.
______I always give women flowers after we've gone out for a week or two.... Only because they usually need cheering up at that point in our relationship.
______I thought I had met "the one" last night. She met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Then when I wanted to take our relationship to the next level she was suddenly a “waitress” who was “doing her job?” I mean seriously, what the hell?!
______Me and my boyfriend split up because we were in different places in our relationship. I was at his brothers.
______Most people want a perfect relationship.. I just want a Subway sammich that looks like the ones in commercials.
______I've been single for so long, Facebook took the "in a relationship" option away from me.
______For all you ladies who like to take it slow in a relationship, I'm your man. One time I took it so slow the girl didn't even know we were going out.
______I always maintain a great relationship with my lesbian friends.... you never know when you are going to need work done on your car engine.
______I'm open to a meaningful relationship......but I hear there's a new XBox coming out this year, so I dunno.
______I was on a committee proposing new ideas to prevent physical abuse in relationships. Apparently sandwich making lessons was not an option.
______what is common about my fat ex and our relationship is that they both didn't work out
______Have a baby. It will totally fix your relationship.
______You may call it a one night stand, but I'm changing my status to 'in a relationship' and friending your mom.
______Fell over and broke my wrist. I suppose I'd better change my relationship status to 'it's complicated'.
______True sign of you're in a long term relationship and your going to make it.... When she says "I LOVE YOU TOO A**HOLE."
______Whether a relationship succeeds ultimately comes down to deciding between which two words you choose to say most.. "I'm Sorry" or F**k You"
______From now on when I see a relationship status change to married, I will offer my condolences.
______If you can't make one single innocent question into the form of an accusation, then you have no right to be in a relationship.
______X went from 'being in a relationship' to 'stopped believing in imaginary girlfriends'
______There should be a new relationship status for girls on Facebook...... Batteries Dead
______My personal trainer told me to bend down and touch my toes and stretch out. I said, "I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?"
______Facebook should make it to where it says, 'Went from being in a relationship' to 'Problem solved.'
______My relationship is very psychological. She's psycho and I'm logical.
______I think it's safe to say, that if you're spending more time with your parole officer than your partner... than changing your Facebook relationship status to "It's Complicated" would be accurate.
______I would like to end my relationship with some guys named "bill". Electric bill, gas bill, phone bill, cable bill. Well, you get the picture.
______So my doctor told me my biggest problem was that I have unresolved anger issues towards women and until I come to terms with it I'll never have a meaningful relationship. I think i'm going to find another chiropractor.
______I can't take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, . . . .you are coming to my room.
______Ladies, if early in a relationship and the guy tells you "I'll never lie to you", then.......that's his first lie!!
______I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans :"Free nights and weekends"
______People who are perpetually positive, have obviously never been in a real relationship.
______The most important and meaningful relationship you can have is the one with yourself. So if you excuse me I'm going to have "relations" with myself.
______Instead of wasting money on dating sites, I'm choosing girls I'd like to be in a relationship with on Facebook until one of them confirms it.
______Went golfing yesterday and spent most of the time not being able to find my balls. Its just like being in a relationship.
______One night does not a relationship make..so get out and stop talking about a connection. We connected last night, and the connection broke after the second coming.
______I haven't been in a relationship for so long.. Facebook just asked if I am okay.
______I hope the next Facebook upgrade lets you change your relationship status to Engaged without requiring confirmation from the other person.
______Save your relationship, keep your cell phone password protected at all times.
______Facebook should have a limit to how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to unstable.
______Once I was dating this chick who was much, much younger than me. One night in a fit of passion she called me "daddy". I was so disgusted by this that I immediately broke the relationship off...... three months later.
______Facebook needs to add new relationship statuses like 'just sleeping around' and 'afraid of commitment'.
______In the beginning of a relationship the men go into it thinking this might be fun...and the women go into it thinking this might be the one.
______If you are a 13 year old boy your relationship status should not be “It’s Complicated.” The only thing complicated about your life is trying to hide your random boners.
______Relationship = The battle of "What I feel" Vs "What I deal"
______I am in a long distance relationship. We are made for each other. She just doesn't know about me.