15 Funny,Witty,Hilarious,Cool and Clever Facebook Status Updates

_______This year has taught me that to become very successful in the music industry you only need to be fat, korean and have your own dance moves. (funny music status)
_______As Men I think we should unite and stand up for this injustice... When they advertise toothpaste they show teeth, when they advertise shampoo the show hair, makeup they show face, BUT when they advertise tampons(sanitar pads) they do not show anything... The suspense is UNFAIR...  (hilarious status)
_______If winding up every egg timer and alarm clock in Red Dot is wrong I don't ever wanna be right... 
_______I wanted to tell my leper neighbor what I really thought of him.....but I was afraid he would just go to pieces.... (funny status about neighbor)
_______"Let me introduce you to the next big thing" - an insensitive meeting coordinator at Overeaters Anonymous (hilarious status)
_______I really hope that the first thing I hear on the 21st isn't an Adele song (funny status about Adele)
_______I bet Kevin Bacon refers to his junk as bacon bits
_______It's not illegal to shoot pigs with birds out of a slingshot... as long as you make them angry first. (funny angry pigs status)
_______I've never had any professional dance training... but I can strap myself to the ceiling fan and spin around on the highest setting for like 20 minutes. (funny dance status)
_______Long term effects of drug use- I cant remember what I did a month ago. Short term effects- I can't remember what I just said the long term effects are (funny drugs status)
_______Since hops and barley are technically plants that makes me a herbivore not an alcoholic (funny alcoholic status)

_______I must be getting old because the list of things that annoy me or piss me off seems to be getting longer every day... (funny pissed status)
_______I am trying to think of something special to get my wife for Christmas but it is really rare because she already has me... (funny status for Christmas)
_______If you microwave a burrito for 1 minute it is still frozen in the center. If you cook the next one for 1 minute and 10 seconds you get third degree burns in your mouth. Well played microwave, well played (funny microwave status)
________The nice thing about being an a**hole is no one asks you to do them a favor... (funny annoying status)
________It's still not too late to send me a huge donation to secure your place in Heaven before the world ends.... (funny end of the world status)