14 Funny,Witty,Cool,Clever and Hilarious Facebook Statuses

_______I've got a time machine...I get in and it takes me 7 hours into the future...I call it... bed.... (funny bed status)
_______I'm truly amazed that the quietest people have the loudest opinions! Me talking to myself in the mirror.  (funny quiet status)
_______In 2013, my first status update on Facebook will be "is anyone alive?" (funny 21 December world ending status)
_______Some guy wanted to fight me..... I said "I'm a lover, not a fighter!!!". Well, long story short, I should have said I'm a fighter  (funny Love status)
_______I believe in hunting everything I eat...Yesterday, I shot a chicken quesadilla...
funny bed status
_______I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me, my arms for being by my side and my fingers and toes because I can always count on them (hilarious status)
_______I love those "Choose your adventure" books because my two favorite things are reading and blaming myself for bad decisions. (funny adventure status)
_______I think I need to return my GPS because it's defective...no matter what it can't help me find easy street (funny GPS status)
_______When I see blokes writing Single and ready to mingle... I think Naaa mate you're just a Loner with a Boner. (funny single status)
_______Knowing my luck, my dentist will probably try to tell me I have the kind of teeth that need to be brushed every day. (funny dentist status)
_______Was at the gym today in case you're wondering how dedicated I am in getting you to want every inch of me.... (funny gym status)
_______Just when I thought there was hope for mankind,I go on Youtube,only to discover that 8 million people has so far seen a 10s econd clip of Justin Bieber throwing up on stage... (funny Bieber status)
_______From now on when I see a relationship status change to married, I will offer my condolences. (funny marriage status)
_______My coworker didn't like it when i put an odor eater in his mouth while he was talking. Ungrateful sob
_______Got a parking ticket yesterday. Apparently "FINE FOR PARKING" doesn't mean 'fine' for parking... (funny parking status)

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