11 Funny Facebook Statuses

_______The only things certain in life are death, taxes, and Microsoft upgrades.  (funny Microsoft status)
_______My life has become a lot more easier............. since I have given up all hope of becoming anything good in life!  (funny hope life status)
_______I can fart the song "Feelings". See I care... (funny feelings status)
_______My new hobby is hugging Walmart greeters and softly whispering in their ears, "Thank you for your service."  (funny Walmart statu)
_______The lmao weight loss plan doesn't seem to be working
_______My husband says I'm too impulsive. What the f**k does he know? He only met me yesterday...
_______Someone told me to go hard or go home, but I was only sitting and didn't want to go home, so I sat harder than I've ever sat in my life...  (funny life status)
_______They told me to come here and write something funny, so I'm gonna post my bank account balance: -$1.09  (funny bank account status)
funny life status
_______A cop pulled into the same convenience store I was at and left his car running, while he ran in. Knowing it was a bad part of town, I reached in and locked it for him.
_______Any time I'm at work and I receive an "Out of Office" automated reply from someone, I always get a little jealous of that person.  (funny jealousy status)
_______Please leave a 'lol', 'rofl' or 'lmao' in the comment section below, so that people will think I'm funny ;)

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