35 Funny Quotes

funny picture quote
_____If people dont like my likes, then likes wont get liked by my liking
_____SCIENTIFIC FACT: if you delete your Facebook account, you will reactivate it within five business days. Don't FUQ with science! (funny science quote)
_____Whenever you feel like you're useless, just remember ..... I told you first and I deserve some credit, Damn It!!!! (funny useless quote)
_____I'm proud of all of you guys that gave up drugs and alcohol. I don't want to hang out with you, but I'm proud. (funny drugs quote)
_____I don't understand those abbreviations can someone tell me what the f**k does 'wtf' mean? (funny wtf quote status)
_____I have nothing sarcastic to say. Besides f**k you
_____If you are not so happy with life, Come join us on Google+. We'll make you forget you ever had one. (funny Google+ Quote status)
_____Hey...Don't listen to what these bastards tell you. You're ugly and don't let anybody tell you any different. (funny ugly quote)
_____I am also a non computer person...I am more the Facebooky type...and yes they are words.
_____"I've been all over the world baby! Egypt, Paris, Cuba, Moscow." This is what I said in the club last night. "Google is a powerful search engine." This what I didn't say last night in the club. (funny club joke status)
_____The fact that most of my profile photos are a bit provocative. ....only means don't judge a book by its cover a$$holes.
_____I didn't mean to offend anyone tonight. I was only trying to have fun....but if I did offend you, please....go f**k yourself.
_____At first i thought you were talking shit then realized you were stating facts. Carry on. (shitty quotes)
_____I was investigating a terrorist who was telling me that he kills people because nobody cares about other people! He said his next plan was to kill 4000 people and a donkey, I said y the fucking donkey, he said that's what I'm fucking talking about!!
_____Christ, these people at the mall act like they've never seen a guy masturbating in the fountains before
_____Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 10 times... you're probably my Girl Friend (girl friend status quote)
_____I have been posting here for almost a year and not one of you has a racist comment or joke on me. Quite frankly I'm offended and will be packing my bags and taking my elephant elsewhere
_____How to save the WORLD! Step 1:open a folder and name it "WORLD"  Step 2: then Save it
_____If you and I were equal, I would have to subtract you from the equation. (funny math quote)
_____If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to give each and every one of you absolutely nothing. (funny lotto quote)
_____This waitress is unbelievably sexy and man look at that luscious mouth and piercing eyes and killer body and the way she masterfully handles and twists that pepper grinder like she really knows what she's doing.... Oh! When! When! This is gonna be a spicy meal, can I have extra water? (funny waitress)
_____I don't know why people make such a big deal about me drinking alcohol in a taxi. I just wish they would sit there and shut up until I drop them off (funny taxi status quote)
_____It's been a while since something warmed my heart. But just about every day somebody makes my blood boil. (funny heart quote)
_____Sometimes I don't know where I've been, sometimes I don't know where I'm going....And sometimes I don't know where I'am at.
_____Next time someone ask me where I'm from, especially after accepting their friend request and you can clearly see all that info on my page I'm just going to tell them that I'm from my mom & dad and I've cum a long way!
_____I fear everybody on here is actually one single person logged into multiple accounts simultaneously. (funny social networking)
_____I look at the pics online and realize i wear too much clothes.. I should change the homepage to some non-prono website
_____If I write a status and you make a witty comment which gets more likes..trust me I will hunt u down and kill you!
_____Just because I can't play guitar...and I don't have a beautiful voice....doesn't mean you shouldn't have to listen to my shitty poetry about how life isn't fair (funny life quote)
_____When someone says to me"I need to ask you something" I think of all the bad things I've done recently
_____I was going to remove a bunch of lame statuses that didnt get any likes but I dont know your password
_____People say that i don't know how to express myself but I don't agree with them so I tell them "You are right."
_____Just finished my morning exercise routine I did 4 sit ups in bed to hit the snooze button! Tomorrow we will go for 5!
_____Many people come to me and they say, "Hey!".. then they just walk away.
_____I wanted to go for a run but couldn't. It started to rain. I'm not trying to use that as an excuse either. I just didn't want to get wet...well not in that way at least.

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