_______Eats
my cereal in a cup and my cup of noodles in a bowl because I'm a rebel like
that
_______I'm deleting the word common sense out of the dictionary because it just doesn't
exist.
_______If
you hide me in your news feed might as well unfriend me too.
_______They
say 'fake it till you make it'. This panel interview has been going downhill
from the second I told them I'm not 'really' a Harvard MBA Graduate.
_______If
she's pretty and single.................she's a f**king psycho.
_______Of
course I wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole, I would imagine that a 10 foot
pole would be heavy and unwieldy to try to maneuver
_______I
always yell at Chinese people walking their dogs because it's rude to play with
your food.
_______I'm
still on MySpace because, hey! I'm no quitter.
_______I
wish I was this incredibly hilarious in real life.
_______What
with everyone coming out of the closet nowadays, I find it ironic that the one
place that homophobes might feel 'safe' nowadays is in the closet.
_______I'm
gonna put a maxi pad on your mouth because they absorb odors in seconds.
_______Roman
numerals are stupid. Trust me, my X was not a 10
_______My
boyfriend said he didn't want to see me anymore so I stabbed his eyes out.
_______Sometimes
I click 'like' because I like your post. Other times, I click 'like' because
your post is like every other post I've ever seen.
_______I
have decided I'm not going to focus on my past any more. So if I owe you money,
tough shit...
_______I
know that Lucky Charms are magically delicious.......But I think mushrooms
would give them a run for their money.
_______I
don't think that you are responsible enough to have a puppy until you have
raised at least 2 children....
_______Whenever
I run into an ex....I try to make sure no one else is around...because I pay
ENOUGH for car insurance.
_______You
know you're getting older when you start singing along to the songs in a
grocery store.
_______I
think I should have just kept you as my fantasy....you were better that way..
_______How
to get rich, but not have a job..... Crap, this isn't Google search
_______I'm
not a professional astronaut... but I can wear a fish-bowl on my head and do
the moon walk for like an hour and half.
_______When
I call you at 2am to ask "What you are up to"...you can safely assume
that TALKING is the LAST thing I want to do.
_______Snitches
get stitches....which also means that they APPARENTLY get a better insurance
provider than me.
_______Balanism
becomes a right pain in the a** after a while.
_______Telling
a man that you want to have his baby...is a tender and romantic way...of
letting that chatty mini mart cashier know...you are DONE talking.
_______Whenever
I am driving past a school bus stop packed with kids...I ALWAYS make sure to
slow down...cause I will BE DAMNED if I don't get asked to prom at least ONCE
before I die.
_______Falling
in love with someone you CAN'T have..is a GREAT indicator that you are visiting
the WRONG human trafficking website.
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