18 Funny Quotes

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____Sometimes people say something so stupid, I roll my eyes with such force that I actually travel 60 seconds back in time. Then I have to endure your stupidity all over again. (funny quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____Every time someone honks at me 0.008 seconds after the light turns green, I get out of my car and tie my shoes. (funny quote, funny status, witty status)
_____I guess that pearl necklace I gave my wife last night while she was sleeping wasn't exactly what she meant when she said she loves jewelry as a surprise. (funny wife quote, funny status, hilarious status)
_____OK let me put it this way.. If arm hair were currency.. You’d be bill gates. (funny quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____Me to my therapist: Doctor People are always ignoring me............Therapist: Next (funny doctor quote joke)
_____So the truth is, I am planning to break-up with your girlfriend. (best funny quote, top funny quote, funny status)
_____Every time a guy I am dating tells me that he thinks we might be soul mates…I drop him. If that shit is true…he must be one hell of a heartless asshole too. (funny status, funny joke)
_____People get so irritated when I ride up beside them and honk my horn. But they never do anything to me, because I'm super fast on my push bike. (funny quote, funny status, funny joke)
_____I hate those people who takes drugs...for example Custom Officers.  (funny drug quote, status, joke)
_____I invited my girlfriend to have dinner with my family. I thought it went well, but my wife was pissed. (funny wife quote, funny gf quote, funny status)
_____As an ideal student, I think that the time we waste watching TV and do Facebook could be effectively used for sleeping. (funny student quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____What? You're married? That's cool. I'm not the jealous type. (top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____I can only understand simplicity and straightforwardness in people and not their complexities and manipulations ...I am a minor dyslexia case . (funny quote, funny status, joke)
_____If you tell me that you've lost your home I'm gonna' assume you live in a trailer and someone just drove off with it. (funny quote, funny  status, joke)
_____So This time I added 7up to my Vodka.. long story short I got my first Period (funny stupid quote)
_____It may just be jealousy but I can't stand LUCKY Bastards. The regular ones are fine in my book. (top funny quote, funny status)
_____It’s not possible that you tell people that you have a broken heart because then it can't pump fresh blood through your body and you DIE! (funny love quote, funny heart quote)
_____Listen up kids, it's really important that you go to college so you can get a good job and be able to afford to pay for your kids to go to college or pay me back, I'm just saying. (funny quote, funny status, joke)

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