____Sometimes
people say something so stupid, I roll my eyes with such force that I actually
travel 60 seconds back in time. Then I have to endure your stupidity all over
again. (funny quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____Every time someone honks at me 0.008 seconds after the light turns green, I get out of my car and tie my shoes. (funny quote, funny status, witty status)
_____I guess that pearl necklace I gave my wife last night while she was sleeping wasn't exactly what she meant when she said she loves jewelry as a surprise. (funny wife quote, funny status, hilarious status)
_____OK let me put it this way.. If arm hair were currency.. You’d be bill gates. (funny quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____Me to my therapist: Doctor People are always ignoring me............Therapist: Next (funny doctor quote joke)
_____So the truth is, I am planning to break-up with your girlfriend. (best funny quote, top funny quote, funny status)
_____Every time a guy I am dating tells me that he thinks we might be soul mates…I drop him. If that shit is true…he must be one hell of a heartless asshole too. (funny status, funny joke)
_____People get so irritated when I ride up beside them and honk my horn. But they never do anything to me, because I'm super fast on my push bike. (funny quote, funny status, funny joke)
_____I hate those people who takes drugs...for example Custom Officers. (funny drug quote, status, joke)
_____I invited my girlfriend to have dinner with my family. I thought it went well, but my wife was pissed. (funny wife quote, funny gf quote, funny status)
_____As an ideal student, I think that the time we waste watching TV and do Facebook could be effectively used for sleeping. (funny student quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____What? You're married? That's cool. I'm not the jealous type. (top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____I can only understand simplicity and straightforwardness in people and not their complexities and manipulations ...I am a minor dyslexia case . (funny quote, funny status, joke)
_____If you tell me that you've lost your home I'm gonna' assume you live in a trailer and someone just drove off with it. (funny quote, funny status, joke)
_____So This time I added 7up to my Vodka.. long story short I got my first Period (funny stupid quote)
_____It may just be jealousy but I can't stand LUCKY Bastards. The regular ones are fine in my book. (top funny quote, funny status)
_____It’s not possible that you tell people that you have a broken heart because then it can't pump fresh blood through your body and you DIE! (funny love quote, funny heart quote)
_____Listen up kids, it's really important that you go to college so you can get a good job and be able to afford to pay for your kids to go to college or pay me back, I'm just saying. (funny quote, funny status, joke)
You May Also Like
Funny Inspirational Quotes
Funny Insulting Quotes
_____Every time someone honks at me 0.008 seconds after the light turns green, I get out of my car and tie my shoes. (funny quote, funny status, witty status)
_____I guess that pearl necklace I gave my wife last night while she was sleeping wasn't exactly what she meant when she said she loves jewelry as a surprise. (funny wife quote, funny status, hilarious status)
_____OK let me put it this way.. If arm hair were currency.. You’d be bill gates. (funny quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____Me to my therapist: Doctor People are always ignoring me............Therapist: Next (funny doctor quote joke)
_____So the truth is, I am planning to break-up with your girlfriend. (best funny quote, top funny quote, funny status)
_____Every time a guy I am dating tells me that he thinks we might be soul mates…I drop him. If that shit is true…he must be one hell of a heartless asshole too. (funny status, funny joke)
_____People get so irritated when I ride up beside them and honk my horn. But they never do anything to me, because I'm super fast on my push bike. (funny quote, funny status, funny joke)
_____I hate those people who takes drugs...for example Custom Officers. (funny drug quote, status, joke)
_____I invited my girlfriend to have dinner with my family. I thought it went well, but my wife was pissed. (funny wife quote, funny gf quote, funny status)
_____As an ideal student, I think that the time we waste watching TV and do Facebook could be effectively used for sleeping. (funny student quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____What? You're married? That's cool. I'm not the jealous type. (top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____I can only understand simplicity and straightforwardness in people and not their complexities and manipulations ...I am a minor dyslexia case . (funny quote, funny status, joke)
_____If you tell me that you've lost your home I'm gonna' assume you live in a trailer and someone just drove off with it. (funny quote, funny status, joke)
_____So This time I added 7up to my Vodka.. long story short I got my first Period (funny stupid quote)
_____It may just be jealousy but I can't stand LUCKY Bastards. The regular ones are fine in my book. (top funny quote, funny status)
_____It’s not possible that you tell people that you have a broken heart because then it can't pump fresh blood through your body and you DIE! (funny love quote, funny heart quote)
_____Listen up kids, it's really important that you go to college so you can get a good job and be able to afford to pay for your kids to go to college or pay me back, I'm just saying. (funny quote, funny status, joke)
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Funny Inspirational Quotes
Funny Insulting Quotes
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