11+ Funny Quotes

top funny quote
____My new doctor is drop dead gorgeous. I was a bit embarrassed but she said don't worry i'm a professional I've seen it all before. So tell me what is going on & I will check it out personally... I said, I think my sperm tastes funny. (funny status, hilarious status)
_____‎"Yeah, I buy my shoes in pairs. So what?"  (funny quote, daily life quote, short funny quote)
_____You may call it rape, but i like to refer to it as forceful fun time. (funny quote, hilarious quote, sarcastic funny quote)
_____Sometimes I'll order a fruity drink to show a girl my softer side, then I will smash it over the bartenders head to show her I'm a real man. (funny status, really funny quote, crazy funny quote)
_____Some of you just never will get me. And some won't get my jokes. (top funny quote, short funny quote, best funny quote)
_____My friends always tell me that I should be a stand up comedian. That sounds totally awesome except for that whole standing up part. (funny quote, cute funny quote, stupid funny quote)
_____Real men check to see if someone is alright by poking them with a stick. (funny quote, famous funny quote)
_____Pretty sure everyone wants to come to America to give their kids a chance to be in the best prisons. (funny quote about america, daily funny quote, funny quote saying)
_____I must be pretty useful because a hot chick just called me a tool. (top funny quote, crazy funny quote, stupid funny quote)
_____I called customer service the other night and a real person answered. I didn't know what to do, so I hung up. (stupid funny quote, cool funny quote)
_____Please everybody do not try to recreate any of these funny statuses. I am a professional and please do not try this at home. (funny quote, top funny quote, best funny quote)
_____The fact is, whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say. That's why I knock their f***ing teeth out and activate their dental plan at the same time. (funny status, funny quote, funny joke)
_____My ex-wife wanted me to make our bedroom look better, so I removed the mirrors. (funny quote, wife funny quote, daily funny quote)

You May Also Like

Funny MTV Quotes
Funny Bad News Quotes