13 Funny Quotes

happiness quotes

____The first person who heard "you look like a monkey and you smell like one too" - must have been really pissed on their birthday. (funny quote, hilarious quote, stupid quote)
_____Lawn darts are more fun when you throw them overhand...at traffic. (funny quote, daily funny quote, funny status)
_____I am a master Facebook event planner - someone probably (funny Facebook status)
_____My psychiatrist told me I have to take stronger medicine to get rid of the voices in my head.. I think he is just jealous I have more friends than he does who talk to me all the time. (funny quote, funny joke, funny status)
_____‎"You can't have your cake and eat it too." -~People who obviously don't understand what you're supposed to do with cake. (funny quote, crazy quote, hilarious quote)
_____If I was going to commit suicide I would jump off a building with a boom box playing "Believe it or Not I'm Walking on Air. That would at least give the people down below a smile. (funny quote, happiness quote, funny status)
_____Just got an text from a woman. She says her vibrator has challenged me to a duel. (witty quote, hilarious quote, funny quote)
_____I am going on a date with a girl I met on Facebook. I warned her that she better look like her profile photo, or she's buying me beer until she does. (funny Facebook status, funny quote about Facebook)
_____Sometimes it's fun working with golfers. I get to hear things like "I was stroking my balls" and it makes me giggle. (funny quote, funny quote about golf, witty quote)
_____I didn't call your mom a whore..... well..... Okay I did, but that was before I realized she really was one. We're cool now right? (witty quote, hilarious quote, funny quote)
_____I don't like threats unless I'm the one making them. (funny quote about daily life, hilarious quote, crazy quote)
_____There is a fine line between a social hobby and insanity, some of you may have crossed that line. (funny quote, stupid quote, funny social quote)
_____You know your reputation precedes you when the cops taze you before asking for your license and registration. (funny quote about cops, hilarious quote, awesome funny quote)

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