74 Funny Quotes

_______Wow!! I'm really good at making people angry... is there a job for that? (funny job quote)
_______Apparently playing "YMCA" while DJing the amputee support group dinner wasn't very well received.
_______Now I'm not saying my girlfriend is unstable, but she sat her cat down last night and made it watch a PETA video with her to show him how good his life was. (funny quote about girlfriend and life)
_______Someday I'm gonna be rich enough to have my own facebook group ;p (funny status for Facebook)
_______Did you know that if you mix Tea and coffee together, it doesn't taste like Toffee. (funny stupid quote)
_______I like to learn as much as I can about a girl before asking her out, but these nights sleeping in a tree outside her window have been rough! (funny quote about stalking girl)
_______I am so proud of myself. I have not made one typo all day. (funny typo quotes)
_______You mean the world to me, I would be so lost without you, I think about you all day, every day, you taught me what true love is, you complete me tuna fish sammich with lettuce, tomato, swiss, pickles on toast, I love you........ (funny quotes about Love)
_______I am hereby nominating myself for the Facebook Humanitarian Award... for the multitude of times I have bitten my tongue, and chose to not post a searing, apt comment in reply to some of the inane, tasteless and downright stupid posts I've encountered...  (great funniest quote status for Facebook)
_______I TRULY, don't care, if YOU, "like".... My POSTS or not..... (funny Facebook post)
_______I love my music loud. It makes people STFU! (awesome sarcastic quote)
_______on a scale of 1 to 10, the answer of how much would I like to meet you is NO (funniest insulting quote)
_______80 years in a life time....now math that shit up. Most people work 8 hours a day....most people sleep 8 hours a night....that leaves 8 hours of YOU time, oh wait, minus 1 hour on the way to work, and 1 hour on the way home....so 6 hours a day of free time....that translates to only 13 years of life you actually live....DISGUSTING, isn't it? (disgusting life quotes)
_______So, Barack Obama is in favor of gay marriages. This isn't surprising considering the fact that he's already f**ked us all (funny presidential debate quotes)
_______I hate it when I want a drink of water but am too lazy to get a cup so I just turn the kitchen faucet on and drink straight from the tap and then stand up and bust my scalp open on the kitchen cabinet.......again! (nice funny quote)
_______These gangsters that hang outside my place really make my neighborhood feel unsafe..... Old people can be such troublemakers! (funny gangster quote)
_______When I love someone, I love them forever and never them go.......Just ask the woman in my basement (funny quote about Love)
_______I went to the doctor today with severe headaches. He asked me if I'd suffer any memory loss. How the hell would I know? (funny memory loss quote)
_______It has been so long since I trained a puppy, I am actually gonna have to call my ex-girlfriend to see how I got her to behave in public. (funny quotes about ex)
_______You know, some of you are actually quite attractive. If I didn't read your timelines I'd have no idea why you were single. (funny quote status about single friends)
_______I like my napkin placed on my lap just so.. so it catches all my missed hopes and dreams..... (quote about hopes and dreams)
_______God put me here to accomplish a certain number of things... Right now I am so far behind I will probably live to be 200. (clever funny quote)
_______Live your life how you want, but remember that you're doing everything wrong if someone on the internet says so. (funny living life quotes)
_______i don't like when people assume i have a heart, soul and dignity.. Misconceptions people develop.. (quotes about soul dignity)
_______In an effort to not intimidate people with my perpetual brilliance and dazzling wit, this status update is intentionally shite. You're welcome.  (brilliant funny quotes)
_______If I like your status, consider yourself hugged.... (funny romantic status)
_______If you are wondering where the funny people went I was at lunch (funny people quote)
_______My rib cage is very near and dear to my heart. (funny quote about heart)
_______I avoid apathy, boredom, doldrums, dullness, ennui, flatness, irksomeness, monotony, sameness, tediousness, tedium and weariness through the examination, inspection, perusal, review, scrutiny and study of my thesaurus. (awesome funny thesaurus quotes)
_______I just thought of something that really sucks.How are you? (best sarcastic quote status)
_______Just a note of warning: Do not forget the "L" when you google Grandfather Clock" (hilarious joke)
_______Better check up stairs to make sure (___) is not supplying the Y chromosome for your next brother (sarcastic insulting punch line)
_______I am a GREAT LEADER..........................................to the path of destruction!!! (funny leader quotes)
_______Those people that likes people comments under my posts and don't like my post......yeah you.........f the hell off!!
_______If you don't want to get it 'on', then why the hell did you make eye contact ? (funny quote about eye contact)

_______''Is it hot in here, or is it just me ?''........what I like to say when I walk into a room full of people who aren't hot. (funny hot quote)
_______I am not afraid of the storms that life throws my way for I am learning to sail my ship and I know I can seek refuge in the safe harbor of our friendship. (nice friendship quote)
_______The best thing about working tomorrow is I don't have to (funny quote for sunday)
_______‎'hello, can i help you?' No, i just stood in the line for 30 minutes to say 'Hi.' (funny help quote)
_______People who exercise often live longer, but those extra years are spent in the gym so really, what's the point (funny quote about gym exercise)
_______A girl told me I am cute like a puppy, so I humped her leg and bit her. (funny puppy quote)
_______The best way to have a friend is to be a friend. This is why I have no friends. (friends quote)
_______I post to inspire. So to the seven people who read my posts... I hope I inspired you to drop kick a midget or someone you hate, but hopefully a midget, cause that would be funnier.
_______My vodka just told me to smoke some weed, so I'm gonna... because my vodka has never steered me wrong. :) (funny vodka quote)
_______Women, not all guys that talk to you just because they want to get in your pants... Sometimes they want to get in your friend's pants. (funny pants quote)
_______There comes a time in every man's life when he has to stand up for what he believes in. My time has come. I shall stand up. And go to bed. (funniest inspiring quote)
_______We really need to start using this page for something more important... There are many critical issues in this world and we owe it to ourselves, to our communities, to our very SOCIETY to have intelligent discussions on relevant topics... So, with all this in mind... What's your opinion on b job ...
_______If you love something and it doesn't love you back, let it go under a tire. (quotes about LOVE)
_______I haven't got her number yet, but she likes my statuses a lot! (funny Facebook status)
_______Just sitting here quietly, looking out the window at a lone bird soaring in the sky, wondering to myself, what would happen if I died. Where would you get your witty statuses from.... (hilarious witty quotes statuses)
_______Attitude is everything. F**k off. (hilarious attitude quote)
_______So I am staying with this very beautiful one-in-a-billion girl, pretty eyes, always smiling. She cooks and cleans, makes me sammich, never argues with me. Her parents named her IMAGINARY. (hilarious imaginary girlfriend status)
_______There,they're and their are constantly being misused.to help people figure it out keep this in mind... See them hot chicks over THERE.I think THEY'RE sexy.I wish THEIR clothes would fall off   (funniest awesomest quote status for Facebook)
_______‎I always put periods in my posts... So the ladies don't feel left out and the gentleman know when to take a pause. (hilarious quote about period )
_______who over here is 36-24-36?? Coz i will be hunting you down and probably feed u McD till you put some weight..! Malnourished b!tches! (funny figure quotes)
_______Isn't it shocking how quickly a seemingly innocent-looking status can suddenly change into a bastardly vulgar shit-monster peppered with mother f**king profanity? (witty status for Facebook)
_______Not everything I laugh at is necessarily funny. I just find it quicker and easier than explaining to people why they're complete and utter twats (best sarcastic insulting quotes)
_______A hot chick caught me watching her eat a banana, so she took a vicious bite out of it and spit it on the ground. I gave her the thumbs up. (hilarious eating a banana quote status)
_______My heart is just as delicate as your balls. We don't want them getting hurt now do we (hilarious quote about heart)
_______I've been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it's all your fault.

58 Funny Quotes

_____My coworker said he misses being in high school so I took his lunch money and gave him a wedgie (funny quote about coworker)

_____Barack Obama's initials are B.O. No wonder he stinks as a president (funny quotes about Barack Obama)
_____You know it's not officially considered a good night until you throw up in your mouth a little (funny quote status about night)
_____When someone bullsh!ts me I leave a real sh!t on their pillow. (funny insult quote)
_____Once upon time, bathrooms were used to take shit. Not pictures. (famous funny quote)
_____Had to break out the ouija board and hold a seance... coffee just ain't cutting it this morning! (funny bilingual quote)
_____Don't criticize me. That's my family's job. (great funny quote)
_____you scratch my back.. I will make sure u don't need to scratch yours'.. (hilarious quote status)
_____When my old posts don't receive any "Likes"... I donate them to Goodwill. (great funny status)
_____My records seem to indicate that I really need to upgrade my stereo system (funny quote status about stereo system)
_____I was doing some filing at work today and now my nails look great
_____The first thing a man notices on an attractive woman are her eyes. Then, when they aren't looking, her breasts. (famous funny quote, autocorrect)
_____ I can only speak in my "native tongue". This is why I sound funny on the phone.....I'm licking it.
_____My cell phone is the second hardest thing in my pants right now (Witty quote,the punchline)
_____I don't need to post pictures of what I do on the weekend because you already know what your mom looks like (funny quotes about your mom)
_____Something about seeing a sexy woman riding a bicycle that makes me wish my face was the seat (great funny quote)
_____Here's a tip guys. When you get angry at someone, start counting down from 10. When you get to 8 punch them in the throat...they will never expect that. (funny inspirational quote)
_____What is so similar between facebook and my life? - Almost everyone uses it.  (Awesome     

great quote)
_____I might as well change my bucket list into my f**k it list because your mom is the only thing on it (funny yo mama quote)
_____I wish my wife went down as much as my mobile internet does (hilarious quote status)
_____If anyone is wondering' why I keep smelling' my fingers today.. it's because I can't stop touching' myself. Yeah.. it's that good. :) (creepy quote)
______I thought I stepped in dogshit turns out I just stepped on my boss (Great funny quote about boss)
______Living for what tomorrow has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away, but today I'm getting drunk. (funny drunk quote status)
______Oh, was that your status. I'm sorry I thought it was just your computer being retarded. (retarded quote,the punchline)
_____I was really dumb at school..I use to always have a hole in my pocket... or else I would have never been able to count to 6. (funny quote status about school)
_____Don't need to worry about zombies coming to my house....no brains. (funny zombie quote)
_____I typed 'Hell' instead of "Michigan" into my GPS. I still got there. (funny GPS quote)
_____My husband said she was leaving me because I overreacted too much. So I punched him in the face with a brick ! (crazy quote)
_____My last girlfriend left me because she said I had no sense of fashion. So I put on my socks and sandals and walked right out the door. (funny quote about fashion)
_____girls are so good at multitasking...my girl used the toaster while having a bath....well that's what I told the cops.  (short joke, funny inspiring words)
_____I wish my dishwasher come with instructions because I can't figure out why she's mad at me. (great funny quote)
_____I sent my wife to the mall with my credit card so I can relax and watch TV. I have a feeling I will pay for it later (funny status about wife)
_____I'm lying in bed thinking and worrying about insomnia. I hope I don't get it. (funny quote about insomnia)
_____Thank you facebook for the "poke suggestions". Now my brother, my cousins, my mom and several male friends have asked me... "WTF, DUDE?" (funny Facebook status)
_____Does anyone know if Peter Gabriel ever became that Sledgehammer? (funny quote about Peter )
_____
The phrase, 'I before E except after C' reminds me to take my insulin before I take ecstasy unless I've been on the cocaine.  (great funny quote)
_____Miley Cyrus is engaged.  So basically the world is coming to an end. (funny quote about Miley Crus)
_____being happy doesn't mean everything is going good. It just means, the meds are working (funny happiness quote)
_____I seriously cannot wait to see the fuckery that will be Britney Spears on The X Factor. (funny quote status about Britney)
_____I might sleep on my couch tonight only because I'm too lazy to walk the five feet to my bedroom. (lazy quote)
_____I was in the garden trying to plant some seeds but it slipped out and ended up on her leg
_____I post jokes about banging your mom so that when I really do it it wont be so shocking to you (funny yo mama joke)
_____I love when cooking directions include Take product out of microwave carefully. It will be hot. Really? Its been in there for 4 minutes. Of course it will be hot
_____your life would have been so boring if i wouldn't have been born.. :-p (funny quote about life)
_____I know I need to be more pacific..but can anyone tell me where is this Specific Ocean ?
_____Just wanted to let you know.. I'm not just liking' your posts because I'm stoned but because you're funny. Well, maybe.. cuz sometimes I lie. :) (sarcastic quote)
_____Heading to the Mall with my bullhorn... to cheer on the morning walkers.
_____I don't know why people say using Splenda is bad for you. Hell.. I don't mind this third ear on my forehead at all. :)
_____I've been paying for my son's tutoring lessons in French, German and algebra. I'm pretty sure he can say a few words in algebrarian by now (funny algebra quote)
_____Coffee in one hand and my bong in the other. F**k you, Folgers.. this is the best part of waking up. :)
_____Show me on this delete button... where I offended you. (offensive quote)
_____If you haven't noticed I'm not an English major and I don't give a fuck where my sentence ends and where it begins so f**k you. :) (insulting quote status)
_____I'm just gonna drag my butt along the carpet like a dog... and see where that gets me.
_____so my tooth needs cavity filling and hurts like crazy.. But i am broke.. So this month.. The filling will be of vodka only.. (funny vodka status)
_____Just walked into a gas station wearing ONLY shirt and shoes... The service was excellent! (great famous funny quote)
_____so i am wearing new sandals today's.. Should i behave like a 'normal girl' and update a pic..?? Tough call for me as a tomboy..
 _____That moment when you realize your pillow gets more head then you do (the moment quote)
_____Going to bed for real now. Well, mostly because all the vodka is gone. (vodka quote)
_____Nicki Minaj should release a dictionary of what all of her songs actually mean. (funny quote about Nicki Minaj)
_____Truly funny statuses are becoming rarer than rocking horse shit.


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55 Funny Quotes

_____My wife says she's leaving me because I'm too obsessed with no punchline jokes (the punchline)

_____Funny how that girl had a sign that said Will work for food but she didnt want to give me a job (humor quote)

_____Since learning that an injury is forgotten much sooner than an insult, I always make sure to compliment people before I rip their spleens out. (insult quotes)

_____I can never spell 'basterd' correctly. I think I'm illiteregitimate. (bastard quote)

_____ Dear important website I always visit, please shove that premium membership button up you’re a** (website quote)

_____ Women hate football because those guys get pounded when they have THEIR pads on (funny football quotes)

_____ Friend: Dude you were so stoned last night Me: Ah! That explains all the bruises on my face  (cute quote status)

_____Ladies, if you can't beat them, go to the gym. (lady Quotes)

_____My wife told me to stop playing with myself, but with a schlong like mine, it's more work than play. (wife quotes)

_____Lady, if you really meant it, your 'I'm sorry' would be as loud as your sneeze. (lady quotes)

_____I have something in my pants that drives women crazy. Too bad its a Rubiks Cube (rubiks cube quote)

_____Don't just have a good day.. be the one that makes the good day. That.. and weed. :) (funny weed quote)

_____I got a job advertising clothing made of chocolate and caramel. I always wanted to be a Rolo model

_____When I see how bad some men are at hiding the fact that they are checking out some hot young thing walking by, it makes me wonder if I am a lot more obvious than I think I am. (hot quotes)

_____If you dont want people to talk down to you all the time maybe you should spend less time on your knees (cute hilarious quote status)

_____How can you say I am concieted when clearly I am just STANDING here being awesome? (Awesome quote)

_____I am so glad you never put your money where your mouth is because I would get paper cuts on my ****  (funny money quote)

_____My wife asked me over and over and over to go to the store to get her some tampons. I got tired of hearing it so I told her to put a sock in it (humorous quote status, short joke)

_____When a guy asks what you do for a living he’ll probably walk away when you answer, "Your mom." But the look on his face is totally worth it. (jokes about yo momma)

_____Best advice when you're angry is to calm down, take a deep breath and walk away...far enough to safely detonate the explosives. (advice quotes)

_____Now how can I say this and still be discreet? Your face is so scary it made my bowels release (funny face quotes)

_____"I'm in rare form today!!!" - Steak....I'm sorry that you have to read that.....

_____‎I was trying to figure out how this girl could have so many friends on FB then I realized its because she eats more nuts than a squirrel (funny quote about Facebook)

_____I don't mind writing on my friends' Facebook walls for their birthdays; it's the least I can do. Literally... The least I can do. (funny birthday quotes)

_____When I go out to eat I put a tampon in my pocket. If my waitress acts like a c**t guess what her tip is? (great funny quote status)

_____You know if I had a penny for every time I have hit my ex-girlfriend. I could buy a hockey stick and hit that b!t*h real harder. (quotes on ex girlfriend)

_____I bought myself a wonderful picture today..............it was really a mirror but when I'm standing in front of it...there is such a lovely view (happy quote)

_____My new secretary really sucks. It's her only good quality. (secretary quotes)

_____I hate when I am trying to eat something and it farts (fart quotes)

_____Whenever I make my own sandwich I leave myself a tip. Like - GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT NEXT TIME! (funny sandwich quote)

_____Whenever I find a pubic hair in a library book I think “Oh, I've already read this one.”

 funny picture quote

_____They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks but your mom sure learned a lot last night

_____I've saved a lot of time by faking headaches instead of orgasms.

_____It's probably for the best that I don't design airports. First thing I'd do would be replace all the moving sidewalks with slip n' slides.

_____I hate it when women just walk straight past me and waste a perfectly good erection. (famous funny quote)

_____I'm sorry, but until people figure out how to hibernate, I'm going to have to declare that bears are smarter.

_____Love may begin with butterflies in my stomach, but I'm always hoping it ends with my semen in yours (funny love quote)

_____In an effort to improve productivity. Send all emails to the trash bin.

_____Women are like smiles. If you see one on my face there's a good chance that I am happy (funny woman quotes)

_____I was writing some poetry when I realize that Barack Obama rhymes with I banged your mama (funny Obama quote)

_____If you are reading this it is because I only block people who are funnier than me

_____When a woman says her CREATIVE juices are flowing, does that mean she is on her period?

_____I don't like eating my greens. I prefer smoking them

_____asking me to stop being a smart a** is like asking you to start being smart...just not happening. (smart quotes)

_____Saving my sarcasm and just punching people in the throat...not alot though. ... just a lil. (sarcastic quotes)

_____So I blocked my toilet...and now I really regret that why the fugg I added it on my messenger list in the first place.

_____I have friends who don't want kids. But they already have them.

_____Shaking your children is wrong. Here, shake mine instead.

_____Tell me how much you hurt so I can have something to smile about later.

_____Facebook shares are falling on the stockmarket because shareholders found out that on the website: shares, likes, and pokes are free.  (funny Facebook stock quote)

_____I just learned the hard way that Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don't mix...

_____Just want to give a big shout out to all the people giving shout outs to other people.

_____Why does Facebook think I care what music my friends are listening to on Spotify (funny Facebook status)

_____Based on my recent activity I think pushing people away is my favorite form of cardio (cardiac quote)

_____my wife asked for a smart phone like blackberry or iphone so I gave her a black-i (iPhone quote)

_____My buddy just told me that I jump every time my girlfriend says jump. That's just stupid, I'm white and everyone knows white men can't jump.

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54 Funny Quotes

_____ If you are a passenger in my car and you start singing along to what ever the hell I may be listening to... I will drive that car right off a f**king cliff!

_____ My family didn't even know I was a drinker... until I went to the reunion sober!

_____ Listen lady... When I say "You're beautiful!" The correct response should be "Thank you." Not, "Why is your hand down your pants!?"

_____ Just made a wish by throwing a coin in the fountain.... Guess it didn't work, cause all these people are still staring at me in the mall food court while I take a bath!

_____ Well, I did it... I took the bull by the horns. Now I sh!t myself and walk with a limp

_____ My medicine cabinet looks a lot like my liquor cabinet... minus the medicine (funny liquor quote)

_____ Insulting me will get you nowhere... plus it makes you look like a f**ktard! (insulting quotes)

_____ I get so damn nervous when driving past a cop... I put a seat-belt around my case of beer, slam the open one, swallow the roach and do 4 miles an hour, and just smile and wave! :)

_____ The Internet has totally ruined nudity for me. :(

_____ I'll admit it, I get a little nasty every time I see a camel wearing yoga pants around their feet.

_____ Honey, I'd feel a lot better if you wouldn't chop cucumbers like that... while I'm sleeping in bed!

_____ Building for Rent is the stupidest name change I have ever heard of, for my local Blockbuster.

_____ Is it just me or does Stevie Nicks look like sh!t in that Burger King commercial?

_____ Sometimes, when I'm feeling really old school... I'll pull out a pair of gloves, and smack you across the face.

_____ Whenever someone stops and asks me for directions... I like to punch em in the face, knocking them unconscious, then drive to the liquor store, get drunk, puke in their car, drive back, wake them up and say... No. (funny drunk quote status)

______ I hate in when I see a hot girl, friend request her, text for weeks, decide to meet... and find out its my wife... again! (funny wife quote)

_____ Too many romantic movies and too few hanging ropes

_____‎"I need help".   Ok let me know if you need help - fb friends.

_____You're a f**king idiot, not to be rude or anything

_____If a girl you like rejects you,accuse her of witchcraft,and have her burned at the....no wait,this one's out of date...so nevermind

_____They are saying that the guy who is making jokes about Mark Zuckerberg's marriage will be banned from Facebook. But he is still a Mystery

_____I need a lifeguard in my life because some friends be killing me, especially the ones with bad breath!

_____Most funny people use humor to mask pain and I am no exception. All of my life I have been made fun of...for having a freakishly large organ

_____If your dad asks I was with you last night ok?

_____If anyone asks, I've been here all day. You all are now apart of my alibi... don't f*ck this up!

_____The thing I like about masturbating is that it turns premature ejaculation into effective time management.

_____If having kids has taught me anything, is that it's never too early to get a Vasectomy.

_____I don't want to sound racist or anything, but I'll bet black construction paper prefers white crayons

_____Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She's been talking for the last 2 days and doesn't seem ready to end anytime soon. (funny Siri quote)

_____So as I found myself drunk again on my birthday, I had to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror...then wonder why I was peeing in the sink.....again.....and what happened to my underwear anyway?

_____The only negative thing about not wearing' any underwear is.. zipper chaffage. :(

_____Looks like all the pictures of the sun in my news feed today will ECLIPSE all the pictures of talking cats (funny solar eclipse quote)

_____There was a blackout in my neighborhood this morning.He was just walking his dog but I still locked my doors

_____So there I was sitting in the restaurant having a wank..................when I thought............that's a weird name for a sandwich

_____Do they let you select your own color when they put you in a straight jacket?......asking for a friend.....

_____I missed the eclipse yesterday...... But if you cross your eyes and squint, it looks like there's an eclipse all the time.......... I'm kind of a scientist........ (funny eclipse quote)

_____my friends think so low of me.. which proves they know me well.. :-D

_____Whenever someone brags about their diet, I send a cookie request from 'bakerytown'

_____The East Coast couldn't see the solar eclipse. That is prejudice, eclipse. Prejudice. (funny eclipse quote status)

_____I asked my son if he wanted a better view of the eclipse. When he said yes I mooned him. Get it? The moon was in front of the son. Yeah he didnt laugh either (Solar eclipse quote status joke)

_____My friend is so fat the only thing that fits him at the mall is the cologne

_____They raised her up a lady but there's one thing they couldn't avoid.. ladies love biker boys! :)

_____They say that 43% of the hot chicks on Facebook are really guys thats why I only jack off to the ugly ones

_____I don't know which is gayer... This post or you liking it?

_____Well, if you didn't want me to joust your kid while riding this ostrich... then you should of took him off the f*cking playground!

_____I recently bought a guard dog and he is really awesome... I haven't been able to get into my house for 3 days now!

_____if i poke you means i like you.. if i try to kill you.. its probably love

_____My roommate said to me, Im sick of you being so lazy...just pack your bags and leave...and I was all You pack them. (lazy quote)

_____If writing statuses were an Olympic sport some of you wouldn't qualify for the Special ones (funny Olympic quote status)

_____Sometimes the best advice comes from the most unsuspected people............Just last night a hooker told me "I wouldn't lick there if I was you"

_____call the cops on me for driving over your grass with my four wheeler? Just wait to see what 50 pounds of flour does to your swimming pool.

_____I hope my online gf never finds out that there is no wife and that I'm only leaving my stuffed animals behind.

_____Don't let anyone tell "YOU" you're not good enough. Let me. Trust me, I wouldn't steer you wrong.

_____Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to go to a public place and eat a banana really slow while making eye contact with everyone. Everyone.

_____People always say its a small world but I never run into Beyonce

_____My car broke down so my wife gave me a lift to work today.................I don't know why people thought it was so strange for her to be carrying me in her arms! (funny quote status about wife)

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