9 Funny Facebook Statuses

_______I love it when people say, "Not to mention the fact that..." and then they do :/ (funny fact status)
_______it's ok for a normal guy to tell a woman "your hair smells nice".. but if a midget does it it's sexual harassment (funny midget status)
_______Sometimes people f**king love me and other times I speak  (funny love status)
_______In my defense she was wearing a T-shirt written 'just do it' on it  (funny T-shirt status)
_______You know you're addicted to Facebook when you prefer to think of your daily Facebook time in minutes, even though it equals 5 hours or more.  (Facebook addiction status)
_______My IQ drops an average of 27 points when there is nice cleavage within eye range.  (funny IQ status)
_______I'm a pretty well travelled guy..... that just means, I've farted in some beautiful places... (funny travel status)
_______I love you just the way you are.....really really far away....don't ever change that.  (funny love status)
_______Sometimes I like your status just so you will think I give a f**k (funny Facebook status)

_______I went to visit my friend today. Apparently he has taught his dog all about hump day, my leg does not appreciate it. (funny hump day status)

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_______At times I really wish I should just sleep through all the weekdays and wake up directly on weekends... (funny weekend wish status)
_______Ladies, if you notice me looking at you and then......I get this discouraged look on my face.........it's because I'm undressing you in my mind but I got stuck at your bra...
_______So apparently today is my wife's birthday and she wants to go out tonight. I hate it when she springs sh!t on me like this. (funny status about wife and birthday)
_______That moment when you text someone a long detailed message and they respond with "what?" Sending you into a state where you want to uncontrollably slap them in the face.  (WTF moment status)
_______If I were a meteorologist I'd smile while reporting good weather for the day like I have something to do with it. (funny meteorologist status)
_______Just tried cooking in an Easy Bake Oven but it took too long, so I stuck it in the microwave... now I'm outside with the fire department roasting marshmallows over my living room. :(Funny Oven status)

_______I don't believe in "dreams can come true"... Coz half of the people I work with should be dead by now...! (funny status about coworkers)
_______Someone just called me a sarcastic a**hole. His tone of voice seemed to suggest that he was under the impression that he was the first to do so. Weird.

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_______Please spread the fact that I've got a very good sense of rumor.

_______I confess - I'm a Grammar Nazi. Feel free to criticize and leave as many derogatory comments as you see fit. It's not like I can understand any of the syntactically abysmal drivel that you bash out anyway. (funny grammar Nazi status)

_______That awkward moment where you go to 'air' kiss someone and punch them in the face... (funny kiss love status)

_______Sometimes when I'm depressed about being broke, I can't help but think that if it wasn't for the fact that I'm so good looking and humble I wouldn't have anything going. (funny depressed status)

_______A friend of mine was trying to explain all the crap going on in the world, and I told him, "Man, you might as well be speaking Chinese, I don't understand any of it." So he said, "快開戰了" (funny Chinese status)

_______A :oscopy proves that punctuation can be a pain in the as* sometimes. 

_______I hate it when someone accuses me of not listening to whatever the f**k they were talking about.. (funny sarcastic status)

_______I'll bet if you accidentally kill someone in a hall of mirrors you have a lot of time to reflect on your mistake. (stupid funny Facebook status)