12 Funny Facebook Statuses

_______I find people so annoying when they talk to me and expect me to listen to whatever it is they're saying. (funny annoying status)
_______I know that something is very very wrong when I start to feel like the only sane person in the room.
_______Hi Gaga, I wish I could download all your clothes and press delete. (funny status about lady Gaga)
_______I always obey traffic laws.... as soon as I've left my drug dealer's house. 
_______I may or may not have just ruined someone's marriage. But in my defence, I got all my drinks for free tonight.... (funny marriage status)
_______If a midget with down syndrome kept arriving late for work everyday, would it be ok for the boss to say he was always a little tardy??  (funny midget status)

_______If you say, "I have a surprise for you!" and you're not without clothes holding a beer... I'm going to be really embarrassed. (funny surprise status)
_______I want to be a little poorer...I'm very poor right now.  (funny poor status)
_______I'm in a bit of a love affair with my neighbors wifi. I guess you could say we have a connection.  (funny wifi connection status)
_______I signed up for Instagram, I should be receiving my shipment of Coke soon. (funny Instagram status)
_______Me and my girlfriend couldn't be more different. I exist and she doesn't.
_______And for my next trick... watch me down these crushed aspirin in this Bloody Mary and make this hangover disappear! (funny hangover status)
_______I'm not impressed by good looks as long as you look good  (funny looks status)

You May Also Like

9 Funny Facebook Status
10 Funny Facebook Status

11 Funny Facebook Statuses

_______The only things certain in life are death, taxes, and Microsoft upgrades.  (funny Microsoft status)

_______My life has become a lot more easier............. since I have given up all hope of becoming anything good in life!  (funny hope life status)

_______I can fart the song "Feelings". See I care... (funny feelings status)

_______My new hobby is hugging Walmart greeters and softly whispering in their ears, "Thank you for your service."  (funny Walmart statu)

_______The lmao weight loss plan doesn't seem to be working

_______My husband says I'm too impulsive. What the f**k does he know? He only met me yesterday...

_______Someone told me to go hard or go home, but I was only sitting and didn't want to go home, so I sat harder than I've ever sat in my life...  (funny life status)

_______They told me to come here and write something funny, so I'm gonna post my bank account balance: -$1.09  (funny bank account status)

_______A cop pulled into the same convenience store I was at and left his car running, while he ran in. Knowing it was a bad part of town, I reached in and locked it for him.

_______Any time I'm at work and I receive an "Out of Office" automated reply from someone, I always get a little jealous of that person.  (funny jealousy status)

_______Please leave a 'lol', 'rofl' or 'lmao' in the comment section below, so that people will think I'm funny ;)

You May Also Like

8 Funny Facebook Status
9 Funny Facebook Status

10 Funny Facebook Statuses

_______the world is a dangerous place...2 minutes ago I punched a guy for no reason (funny status about world)
_______When I die Please carve the word Modest on my statue... (funny modest status)
_______Rather than apologise to people I insult or offend, I tend to drop a large, heavy iron box, complete with a door and a combination lock, on to their heads from a height. Because, apparently, better safe than sorry.  (funny stupid status)
_______If someone offers you drugs, just say no .... . and keep saying no. That way you'll get the price right down...  (funny drug status)
_______Guys, just because you're "mechanically inclined" doesn't mean you know how to use your tool... (funny status about guys)
_______Don't think of me as a peeping tom. Its more like security you don't have to pay for... (funny stalking status)
_______I hate when people say You know what I mean. I want to poke them in the eye with a stick. You know what I mean?  (funny hate status)
_______Did you ever have one of those days where you just want to punch someone in the face? Well punching someone in the face makes it all better
_______This government is always whining about Energy Saving.... last night I tried saving some by turning off my lights... I ran over a pedestrian  (funny status about govt)

_______I call bullsh!t on you McDonald's...I ate 4 of these damn happy meals and I'm still just as sad. (funny status about McDonald's)
_______SO I saw the new iPhone 5 today. You're telling me you're upgrading from the iPhone 4 just for an extra inch?? I hope your girlfriend doesn't think the same way. ;)  (funny status about iPhone)

You May Also Like

7 Funny Facebook Status
8 Funny Facebook Status