_______If it
doesn't kill you...............it only needs to be made stronger!!
_______the
only time i did window shopping is when i wanted to buy a window
_______Some
people are as pointless as the second window at McDonald's
_______Not
only do I stalk your page, at night you might feel a 'POKE'.
_______I
don't know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb but I guarantee you
they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
_______Only
one more 250 lb. fat chick until I can truthfully say I've been with a ton of
women!
_______I used
to think I was a man of vision. Now i'm pretty sure they're hallucinations.
_______My
wife said I don't listen and a whole bunch of other... somethin.
_______Whenever
you feel sad... just remember somewhere in the world there's an idiot trying to
pull open a car door handle as it's being unlocked.
_______I
really was gonna jog at the park this morning....but I just found an empty park
bench so I'll just have a few puffs and cheered the joggers on, instead.
_______Most of
you, like waking up in the morning, to see the "comments" and
"likes" that your status received.
I like waking up in the morning....to see..... WTF I posted!
_______If
Plan A and B fails... don't worry! Just go to Plan F and U.
_______My
fantasy football team is all cheerleaders.
_______That
awkward moment when you log onto facebook and it says 9:30 pm... you look two
minutes later it says 12:45 am.
_______I'd
make a joke about the post office but you won't get it for 3-5 business days.
_______Well,
I've had an evening so enjoyable that I honestly couldn't give a flying f**k
how yours went. (Sarcastic status)
_______I
think classical music was created solely for making murders feel a lot cooler..
_______I've
just bought this new digital camera and none of my pictures come out
wonderful....................being ugly sucks
_______"Liking"
your post doesn't necessarily mean I agree with the status... sometimes it just
means "Look at how stupid this person is."
_______I
never panic during a crisis because most of the time I'm the cause.
_______I
thought my husband was cheating on me with another woman. He's not, though,
it's still the same woman.
_______My
apologies for not being on Facebook yesterday...I was watching this chic trying
to parallel park.
_______Medication
is easy, it's the prescription that's the hard part
_______This
Christmas I'm going to give the gift of laughter and good cheer...but first I
have to separate it into little plastic baggies.
_______My
attention span is shorter than an Amish phone book
_______If at
first you don't succeed then you're probably a pathetic loser.
_______I
ain't afraid of no ghost. No? Well your double negative suggests that actually
you are, you uneducated ghostbusting moron scaredy cat.
_______I'd
like to see Dora get lost & have to blow some dude for a ride home. Kids need to learn that not all adventures
end with a happy dance.
_______Forgive
and Forget? I'm neither Jesus, nor do I
have Alzheimers.
_______Anybody
that believes there is no such thing as a free ride should see me at work.
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